The Young and the Breastless

In the fortnight before she passed away Aislinn was finding it hard to have enough energy to write, she found a creative outlet for herself in drawing. These drawings were made at the Charlie Gardner Hospital and at her Grandparents house in Perth which sits across from a lake with a childrens park which Aislinn could see from her bed. Of these simple line drawings in black pen some are simple observations, some are metaphorical, some witty. Similar to her writing, all are honest, direct and with style. Her family would like to share them with you.

We would also like to thank John for putting this blog together for Aislinn.

We will have an update soon on how the funds from the “Fundraislinn” auction have been distributed.

Matt

Tortoise

Bedside table at Charlie Gardener Hospital

Violin – before and after (Charlie Gardener’s)

Swamp Hens getting blown over at lake by gale-force winds

Pelicans at the lake

Ninja fish for Paul Meates

Spud

Dad, Mum, Spud and Ais

Swans at the lake

Millie

Kids on swings at the lake

Tunneller

I found myself in hospital for no other reason than constipation. It all started a month ago; indigestion pain, reduced appetite, no appetite, no thirst, psyllium husks, aloe vera, castor oil, enema, I tried them all, But after nine days of being stuck, straight to emergency for me.

In emergency, I was diagnosed with solid bowel blockages under my rib cage, which could only be removed with saline drips and MOVICOL. My calcium was very high, nearly 6, compared to the healthy level of under 2.65. A week later it returned to 2.48. High calcium can also cause constipation.

My liver function tests were all over the shop. Because it was enlarged, it was putting pressure on the stomach, bile ducts and intestinal organs. Again, the calcium levels dropping helped this improve. I took some electrolytes and other meds, some quite unpleasant – but if you put one over ice with a little fruit juice, give it a stir – it almost passed for a martini.

Got jabbed a fair bit with needles for daily calcium tests, blood sugar tests, saline drips, and also rose stems. But all in all, I’m not feeling too bad now. Eating three meals, something I couldn’t do weeks ago. There have been other high points too.

So many wonderful comments on my blog. Lots of gorgeous contributions to FundrAislinn – creative, PR and keen bidders. Heaps of beautiful parcels and cards in the mail from WA, ADL, VIC, Vietnam, Japan, and USA.  Countless gifts in hospital too – flowers, oil burning, videos, fruit, a doll and more – plus the lovely visitors who brought them. Thank you, one and all.

Yes it’s been a tough week. But with the help pf the Silver Chain nurses, I am home now and getting stronger. The aim is to eat, shower and pass bowels regularly.  I’m rolling again, and I want to stay rolling.

A friend asked me what animal I identified with, and I replied with “Tortoise”. She wanted inspiration for her creative contribution to FundrAislinn (see previous post), however it really got me thinking. By nature, I am slow and methodical in writing, researching and doing chores. Exercise-wise, I keep a slow and steady pace. Being quite introverted, I live in my shell. I also have a long skinny neck. It seems I don’t just identify with the tortoise, I AM a tortoise. And by pretending to be a hare, I have got myself into a right mess, medically speaking.

I have raced to and from social engagements ever since I got my driver’s license. I moved out of home, age 21, as fast as I could. I worked in the advertising for 10 years, renowned for its fast pace and ridiculously-short deadlines. I rushed into getting a nose-stud, giving it only minutes of thought, not that I regretted it. I rushed the moved to Melbourne, with a still-swollen rolled ankle.When I was working, I continued to socialise like crazy on the east coast. I rushed into living with my boyfriend, not that I regret it, but we lived together within a month of going out. This was only temporary however. I rushed from rental to rental, moving every year from 2002 to 2006. Always at the mercy of our landlords desires to sell, move back in, etc. I rushed from contract to contract when full-time offers were not forthcoming, flying to sydney several times, as well as all over Melbourne. I rushed into orthodox medicine when first diagnosed – the quick fix option. Naturally it didn’t work. I rushed around Melbourne seeing doctors about alternative, when diagnosed the second time. Luckily I didn’t rush my research of Stage 4 treatments over the last two months.

The good thing about being a tortoise, once you realise you’re a tortoise, is that you’re never too old to learn new tricks. The turtle, once reaching 150 years of age, is not so flexible. So, lessons I’ve recently learned:

- Slow down: I pushed myself to get to decision phase faster than I was physically up to. Now I’m paying for it with back spasms and stomach cramps and indigestion. Liquids only for me.

- Pee in a jar: Permanently tense stomach muscles meant I could no longer get to the toilet fast enough, having weak legs from little food. Now I have a jar by my bed. Something I’ve become quite good at, although the irony of 29-year-old incontinence when living with continent 80+ grandparents is not lost on me.

-Delegate: I can’t do everything myself, but thanks to my parents, grandparents, brother and US es-pat friend, I’ve made a lot of progress on my Bill Henderson homework. Bought the supplements, ordered The Emotion Code, bought a stick blender, got an appointment with a holistic dentist, even spoke to Bill Henderson. Thanks guys for your help on this.

-Go back in the shell more: My meditation practice had really lapsed and after watching an Ian Gawler special on Compass, Sunday 31 August 10.10pm, downloaded from the abc.net.au, he reminded me to nurture the mind and spirit also, instead of just focusing on the body.

-Prioritise: My list of things to do is long. When I get close to clearing my In Tray, more forms arrive from Centrelink, my Super Fund, more homework gets given, etc. It’s overwhelming at times but if I can do one or maybe two things each day, then that is enough.

Tortoises are clever creatures. They know that slow and steady wins the race. If I can just stop being so fearful, and fear clouds the mind, I won’t rush into things because I’m scared. Enter meditation and prayer. Mind, body, spirit, take care of them all. Just do it the tortoise way, that’s my motto.

Well, it’s a month to my birthday, and it looked like it’d be a fairly quiet affair. I hadn’t celebrated it with my family for seven years, or my THai ex-pat friends for years, so it’d be special in that way. But considering it’d be my 30th, it wasn’t anything to get too excited about.

Then I found out my wonderful Melbourne friends were organising an event, the night before my birthday, called FundrAislinn. It’d be a silent art auction, complete with MC, birthday cake and possibly live music, and all funds raised would go towards my treatment costs.

If anyone was leaving their twenties with a bang, it’d be me. Over 50 contributions have been received to FundrAislinn – verbally at this stage – including some quite famous names. All my Melbourne friends would be attending, and all my friends in various states would be contributing – either with art, by bidding, or spreading the word to art collector friends.

It looked to be a pretty fun night. Better still, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about not attending. I’m pretty weak these days, and just not up to leaving the house at night. Nor would I feel jealous of the cake eating – something in which I could not partake . My diet is too strict!

Life is precious, and a birthday celebration marks its importance. Not only is my birthday being celebrated in style, Fundraislinn will help fund the costs of buying more time. To everyone involved in this event – the organisers, the gallery venue, the PR people, the artistic contributers and the bidders – I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is going to be the BEST birthday present ever!

I also hope this event inspires other cancer patients with lateral ways to raise money. In these economic times, all charities are facing a hard slog. For more information on how I did it, or rather, how my friends did it for me, see FundrAislinn.com

Relief at last! I was thoroughly over treatment research, constant packing and moving and traveling constantly to doctors’ appointments. So last week I made some big decisions. As a result, I can now chill out a bit more – mentally, physically and emotionally speaking.

I am now living permanently with my dad and grandparents, Monday to Sunday. I used to pack half a day Friday and half a day Sunday. It was very draining and gave me less time to focus on treatments. Also, mum gets the break she needs to regain her strength, so everybody wins!

I’ve cut back on my doctors’ appointments, keeping just the essential ones. This reduces my stress and means less car travel which I also find draining. It also gives me more time to concentrate on my new treatment. Speaking of which, I’ve finally decided on a course of action; the Bill Henderson Protocol.

The pros are many:

•    Fast working

•    Gentle and non-invasive

•    Won’t cause much tumour swelling

•    Feeds the healthy cells as well as killing the cancer cells

•    It comes with the best expert on this treatment in the world – phone and email support from Bill Henderson himself (based in the U.S.)

•    It’s recommended by the Cancer Support Association of WA

•    It comes with many positive testimonials

•    It’s not going to cost the earth (compared to the 50K we spent on sodium bicarb therapy)

•    It’s not pharmaceutical-based

•    It’s based on an age-old, tried and true, proven cancer cure called The Budwig Diet

•    The Budwig Diet, with other supplements, is the No. 1 recommended treatment for liver cancer (on cancertutor.com)

•    The same diet with supplements is the No. 2 recommended treatment for breast cancer (on cancertutor.com)

•    The Budwig Diet part replaces two meals a day (thank goodness, the Ayurvedic Diet I’m on is hard work)

•    It comes with its own testing method that doesn’t expose me to unnecessary radiation

•    Bill Henderson reckons I should see results in 3 months and that I have a 90-95% chance of success, provided I do everything in the Protocol and also deal with the three main causes of the cancer – diet (98% there), unresolved emotional issues (yet to address this), and dental problems i.e. wisdom teeth extraction infections, mercury almalgam fillings, root canals etc (yet to address this)

•    It won’t require me to drive to a clinic as I can do it myself at home

The cons are few:

•    There’s no guarantee that it’ll work, but even chemo doesn’t come with  guarantees

•    I have to digest a lot of cottage cheese and flaxseed oil mixed together

•    I have to digest a lot of supplements

•    Some side effects, but these are small and indicate the treatment’s working
So, have I started yet? Unfortunately not. I have a little bit more homework to do:

•    Buy the supplements

•    Buy some emotional cleansing books and test kits

•    Look up oil/cheese wholesalers

•    Buy stick blender to mix oil/cheese

•    Look up shrinks/Journey Practitioners/German New Medicine practitioners

•    Talk to Bill Henderson for initial consult

We’ve finally got the wireless internet up and running at my grandparents’ house. Big relief. Previously, three of us were sharing my grandma’s computer with one-port modem. (Thank you grandma and grandad, for letting us monopolise your computer, and your car, to get to all the doctor’s appointments.)

It’s also nice to feel settled. I’ve made the all-important decisions, now I just have to run with them. If I drank anything stronger than San Pellegrino, I’d proprose a toast. Cheers – to everyone who helped me get this far. You know who you are. Couldn’t have done it without you!

Everyone in the family is pretty healthy again now. Except for two people; my brother (got a cold) and my mum (still run down after two months’ caring for me full-time months while working six days a week). Luckily, the burden on mum has eased somewhat.  After a bit of moving last week, I now have two homes, two backyards, two wardrobes, two home offices, two organic larders, two primary carers, and two families with which to eat family dinners. I added a second cancer-specialist GP to my medical team. I also started unpacking suitcases for the second time since arriving in Perth; the removalists delivered all my stuff from Melbourne (packed and organised by Matt, thank you).

Now that I live with my Dad and grandparents during the week, and my Mum on weekends and during school holidays, I feel less guilty knowing that the burden of looking after me is being shared. I feel more appreciative of my two homes, their similarities and their differences. When you live in the same home, day-in, day-out, never leaving to go to work, you start taking it for granted. It’s also nice to have a change of scenery, as between the doctors and my study desk, I don’t really get out too much.

I love having two carers also. If Dad or Mum were suddenly to get sick, the other can fill in. It’s funny, my folks divorced 12 years ago, but the ’custody arrangements’ are just starting to happen now.

Unpacking for the second time is fun. I’ve got more jeans finally, so I don’t have to live in trackies all the time. My parents don’t have to do my laundry so religiously either, as I only flew over with a week’s worth of underwear. And now that spring is just around the corner, I’ve got more suitable attire. Winter woollens on sunny days don’t exactly go hand-in-hand.

My second GP seems to be right on the money. He’s really into diet, supplements, exercise and reducing stress. He ordered a really thorough blood test and nutritionally speaking, I’m in pretty good shape. So that’s good news. He’s also started giving me intravenous Vitamin C therapy once a week. My first shot was at 5pm and I had so much energy, I couldn’t sleep til 1am! He also gave me a lot of homework to do. Because of that, I didn’t have much of a weekend, what with that and unpacking.

It seems every health practitioner I see gives me homework; the chiro, the physio, the OT, the Ayurvedic practitioner, the doctors – TCM and otherwise – and others. It’s great because I learn new things. However, it’s also frustrating in that it sidetracks me from doing my own research on Stage 4 cancer treatments.

It’s been two months now since I got that six-months-to-live diagnosis, and I am moving a lot more slowly on choosing a treatment than I had hoped. Still, what I’ve learned in the meantime has stopped me from rushing into anything foolish. I’m also much more informed and in a better place to make the right decision.

This week is my last week of meeting new doctors and getting yet more advice and more homework. Not only am I over the homework, it’s also getting to the point where too many cooks spoil the broth. So, next week I hope to DO something about those fast-growing liver tumours. Last CT measured the largest at 5cm (compared to 4cm the month before) and that was two months ago. Still, my leg hair grows faster than that. So things can’t be too bad!

Two weeks ago everyone in the family was struck down with various ailments and afflictions. No time to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Everyone else was in a much worse state! Sore heads, sore livers, sore lungs, sore shoulders, you name it. Still, at least we were in sync. We were all quarantined in our respective homes at the same time, so at least it was ‘convenient’. For me at least, less so for others.

First up, Dad was hospitalised with a migraine. It was so bad, he couldn’t stop throwing up for five hours straight. After a night in ER, he came home and stayed in bed for three days. At the same time, my grandparents’ bronchial coughs returned, meaning it was too risky for me to see them in my immuno-compromised state.

Needless to say, this delayed my scheduled move-in with my dad and my grandparents by about a week. But, they weren’t the only ones who were crook. The on-and-off pain in my right-side amped up quite considerably. A combination of strained-muscles overcompensating for my weak left-side, PMS cramps, stress of moving, indigestion, constipation and possible liver-tumour pain. This, along with my sore left shoulder, meant I was in no position to pack up and move.

Unfortunately, this put more strain on mum. I was now completely incapable of doing anything. However, Mum’s shoulder was also hurting; an old weak spot that always flared up during times of stress. It had gone from hurting on-and-off for the last two months, to being in constant pain. My brother wasn’t around to ease the burden either; he had his own troubles working 12-hour days, seven days a week, on site in Queensland.

By the weekend, Mum admitted she was about to have a nervous breakdown. It was written all over her face. Luckily, my stress/PMS/liver cramps had eased enough for me to pack. And my dad and grandparents were well enough to come pick up my suitcase, home office, research files and organic food boxes. They then unpacked everything for me and I was able to slide into my second home the following week.

Of course, I’d be lying if I said that week was full of lows. There were a good many highs also. I received some lovely packages and postcards in the mail from the U.S., Melbourne, Europe and Adelaide, as well as a surprise visit from interstate friends. I read some wonderful spiritual books  which filled me with strength and peace. I also read about another cancer treatment called Phenergam – a pharmaceutical approach that I’m not totally into – but it’s always nice to know you’ve got options.

Everyone always says ‘sleepy ole Perth’, but in my neck of the woods, there’s never a dull moment. If there’s anything I’ve learnt from a week of sickies, you just have to roll with the punches. You can’t control everything, and if you try to, you’ll only get angry, stressed and frustrated. (It’s these negative emotions which are stored in the liver.) So, I’m going to try and practice a little equanimity. The good, the bad, the ugly, whatever life throws my way, I’m open to it.